*Sigh*

Nicholas came down with another illness last week. This one didn't get as bad because fortunately he had a doctor's appointment the day after we noticed it. However, for whatever reason, he's had a harder time recovering from this one. His eyes cleared up pretty quickly but he's been coughing with a deep rattle in his chest for a week. He's on antibiotics, so hopefully that rattle works its way out soon.

Amy and I have also felt a little under the weather this week again. It feels like some mild form of stomach flu. I woke up early Tuesday morning feeling nauseous. I almost called in sick from work but I had to give a test that day so I dragged myself in anyway. I was dizzy, my stomach was cramping mildly, I felt easily overheated, and I had cotton mouth most of the day. By the time I went home at 4:30pm, I was exhausted. I crawled into bed and fell into a fitful sleep by 5pm. Amy let me off the hook that night with Nicholas and I was able to sleep off and on until 8am the next morning with only one major waking around 1am in a pool of sweat. I think maybe a fever had broken. Yesterday, I felt mostly fine again with very minor stomach discomfort, but I am still wary to eat food other than saltines and ginger ale.

Amy texted me yesterday and told me that she was feeling the same way. I think she has the same thing but she's a day behind me.

Once these issues clear up, let's hope this is the end for a while.

Nerd Funny

I don't ever pre-order things. But the Korg DS-10's US release has me giddy with excitement so I did the unthinkable a couple of weekends ago: I plunked down my cash to purchase the idea of software. I pre-ordered this thing and I can't wait until they ship it to me on October 14th.

For those not in the know, the Korg DS-10 is a full-fledged synthesizer with step sequencer for the popular Nintendo DS. I was just over at Amazon watching the tutorial videos and getting excited about programming this thing. I haven't had a chance to really dig into sound synthesis for quite a while and this is going to be my fix for sure.

I can't think of any better concrete way to learn about the science of sound in a hands-on capacity than using a sequencer that lets you build a sound from its basic elements: sine waves. VCOs, VCAs, VCFs, EGs, S&H: all of these are acronyms with which you'll quickly become familiar and then after you play around for a while, suddenly it all starts to make sense. Actually, I think the VC part of those letters is pretty funny in the context of the DS. Those letters stand for Voltage Controlled, meaning actual electrical signals are being produced to generate the desired effect, but there's nothing voltage controlled about the DS-10 software. It is software, after all, and already completely in digital form. See? Ha ha. I told you it was funny. Nerd funny.

A Day Off

We're all feeling better. Finally! I'm still not back to 100% as my ears still get stuffed up at night and really hurt when air pressure changes. But I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. I'm trying really hard to work less. Everybody I've talked to tells me I shouldn't be working so much and I agree, but I haven't been able to get far enough ahead to feel comfortable. My dean tried to make me promise not to work this weekend. I told her I couldn't promise anything, but I held up the bargain 50% of the time. I put in a full day yesterday but did not do any work today. I'd almost forgotten what it feels like to relax. By the way, it feels good.

Amy actually had something really interesting input for me regarding the hours I've been putting in recently. One night while lying awake, I asked her why she thought that I feel so compelled to work so much. Her answer was startlingly truthful. She said, "Fear." It hadn't occurred to me but I think she's right. It's fear of not being prepared, fear of appearing incompetent. These are long-time neuroses of mine and I've been trying to deal with them during the past few months, but my new job has put my self-improvement on the back burner. Back to it, I guess.

Hulu There!

In an effort to shift the tone around here away from wailing and the gnashing of teeth, I'd like to point your browser to Hulu.com. It's free to sign up. Once you do, you'll have access to a number of decent television shows and movies. Like television, there are commercials, but there's never a break like the yawning gap of a twenty minute chasm between the last set and the end of the movie you're trying to finish. Most of the time, it's fifteen or thirty seconds and you're back to the feature.

We've been watching it a bit since we've all been sick, we don't have a TV, and the two-at-a-time Netflix queue can't spit out or requests quickly enough. I mostly like sticking to the television offerings. We keep up with our viewings of the Daily Show and the Colbert Report this way. King of the Hill is finally accessible whenever I'm ready for it instead of being shifted around table-tennis style between five different time slots. They also have an all too brief list of Three Stooges shorts. Granted, these are some of the best the Stooges have to offer, but there are still more I'd like to see up there. Thankfully, they've confined the offerings to the depression-era Curly years. The episode Three Little Beers always makes me laugh.

More Whining

Everyone here is down with a nasty bug. Or for Amy and I, it could be allergies. Nick is still running a fever and has an ear infection, but his eyes have returned to normal. His lungs are rattling when he exhales now, but his nasal passages aren't quite as clogged. Amy and I have similar symptoms but she's a couple days ahead of where I am.

I have to admit that I'm getting a little depressed. I'm working so hard to keep my head above water with school but being sick all the time is really wearing me out. I don't know how I'll make it to December let alone June. I'm no help to Amy with Nick on the weekends because I'm at school, working, and when I'm not at school I'm at home sleeping because I'm exhausted. We don't have any friends or family here to help us with Nick and I'm finding it more difficult not to get jealous of coworkers who have people they can lean on.

I've been told that the ragweed is what people have trouble with out here in terms of allergies at this time of year. Honestly, I don't even care what it is anymore. I just want to feel normal again. When I said "Temporary setbacks, permanent improvements," two months ago, I had no idea the setbacks would be so physically difficult.

I know that a few people read this blog now and sometimes I feel guilty for posting what amounts to nothing but whining. Nobody wants to read this. So I apologize for the sour times reporting. It's just the reality for now. Even though we know we'll come through this stronger than before and that things really aren't as bad as they might seem, it's hard to see the bigger picture when there's no sign of relief in sight. I just want to feel normal again, if only for a little while.

Inevitable

It was inevitable. Over the weekend, Nicholas caught the cold that both Amy and I have had a total of three times. He began to get fussy on Sunday and by Monday, his left eye had begun to produce goopy yellow phlegm as was his nose. I woke up late that night to the sound of his struggling to breathe. So Amy took yesterday off of work and set up an appointment for him with a new pediatrician. They prescribed some eye drops for his eye and acetaminophen for his general cold and fever symptoms. He's been pretty cranky for the past two days, wanting to be held or rocked most of the time, and he only sleeps for two to three hours at a time. His schedule is gone, understandably.

For Amy and I, it's been rough. We don't like to see him so miserable. At the same time, we've been given a crash course in the rules and regulations of taking unscheduled time off from work. Today, it was my turn. I am caring for Nick today. Hopefully tomorrow his eyes will be better and his fever will have broken so he will be able to return to day care. I'm afraid we just can't afford to pay for a house in Chicago and an apartment near Omaha and day care services we are not using. I have to sing this song: