It's been just over a week since my last post and I've still had a horrible time with sleep. This whole week has been identical in its pattern. Basically, I can squeeze in about four to five hours of sleep per night before I am forced awake. "Forced?", I can hear you ask. Yes, forced. When my mind wakes up, all it wants to do is process my current feelings of loss. I know this because of the dream I had tonight. Here it is, as much as I can remember:
I'm sitting in a classroom on the first day of a class at the college level. I am as old as I am today, but everyone else looks younger, fresh out of high school. It's a philosophy class of some flavor that I can't remember but it is being taught by Stacey Steele, the flute professor at my undergrad university and wife of someone I wholly regard as a model for my life and mentor, Terry Steele. When she arrives to class, it's field trip day so we all get up and head out towards a van in a nearby parking lot. Before I get in the van, I walk over to a grassy area next to the parking lot where there is full concert band seating arranged and waiting to be used for rehearsal. Nobody is there except for three people sitting in what I think is the low brass section. I don't remember two of them, but the person I do know is Jason Shaffer, a very intelligent friend of mine from high school, someone I always respected who was much more academically talented than I. I talked with him briefly about some classes that we were taking at school. I don't remember what he said. Then I headed toward the van.
The next thing I remember is that the van took us to the Steele's home. Well, it was a home that was the Steele's in my dream but not their actual home. You know what I mean. Anyway, we were preparing to begin the lesson and the other students and I were all sitting on couches waiting for Stacey to come back. I felt alone and out of place. I didn't like the people sitting next to me. I was finding ways to judge them, although I didn't know any of them.
Suddenly, Terry and Stacey's oldest son Jeremy emerged from a door on my left. Jer passed away a few years ago and at the time it affected me in a way I find hard to describe. Maybe I'll post about it later but for now I have to get this dream down. As he walked around the couches, eventually in front of me, he morphed. He was no longer Jer, but just a random guy with a beard. The random bearded guy made a comment about a house cat sitting on the stairs. I looked at the cat. It was grey and white. When I looked back, he was now a youngish Asian-American hipster sort of character with very long, black hair, moustache, and long goatee. He was very skinny, dressed in black. Black t-shirt, dark jeans, black bandana helping to maintain the long mane of hair flowing down his back, black low-cut Chuck Taylors, and one of those faux rock star belts with all the shiny metal studs you can find at Target now. He told me, "Hey, I am going to work for EA soon!" (Electronic Arts is one of the largest American developers/publishers of video games in the US.)
"What IP will you be working on?", I asked, feeling a huge pang of jealousy.
"Command and Conquer," he replied. Then he sprang up some stairs two at a time and out of sight.
And that's the end of the dream. I woke up not long after, not remembering anything that may have occurred in the dream after that. Once I was fully awake and began processing this dream as well as things I've gleaned from counseling and my own introspection, I had a major epiphany. Like, the second one I've ever had in my lifetime kind of major epiphany. I've only begun writing it down after two hours of typing. It will come next.
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