Begrudgingly

A few months ago, I wrote a guest post for Alise Wright's blog about my depression, health, and running.  Things were looking up.  Then I got frustrated with the running because I wasn't losing any weight.  Then, I went off my medication.  That's when the depression came roaring back.  I was unable to get out of bed in the mornings, sometimes lying there all day, for about a month and a half.  Things didn't pick back up at all until Amy had finally had enough and we had our arguments about the state of things.

I also put on another 35 pounds.  I'm up to 285.  Last year, my goal for this year was to be 200 and I've gone in the opposite direction.  I did get my job at IWCC back, but I have a lot of anxiety about it.  It gets in the way.  I'm just a ball of problems and I need help.  I can't fix all this on my own.  I plan to get help once the job's insurance begins in September.  I need it all and hope to get it.  I'd like to go back to counseling, maybe get back on some medication, and I want a personal trainer.   I've tried so many times on my own to lose weight and every time I end up weighing more than when I started my program that it's really making me angry.  I also want to go back to the doctor and maybe get some help with my diet.  Everything about my life has been and continues to be a serious roller coaster ride and I want off.

Well, that's it.  That's why I haven't written anything in months.  That's why I don't communicate with anyone.  That's why I sometimes avoid going out of the house.  Here's to seeing you.