Disappointed Again

I can't help but be disappointed. I finally picked up a copy of Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude last Saturday. I didn't want it because I thought it was a good game, but because it was supposed to be the only product available with my name in it somewhere. I was told at one point after my internship at High Voltage that my name had been added to the in-game credits. I waited a few years for the price of the game to come down on the used market because I wasn't that interested in the game itself, but I wanted to own a copy it just so I could show it to somebody, anybody, to prove that I indeed had my name in a game somewhere.

I popped in the disc and immediately let the in-game credits roll. Amy sat down beside me, both of us searching for my name. We endured some awful song by Luke Skyywalker of 2 Live Crew as name after name scrolled up the screen. Every category passed and soon the credits were over. No name. It wasn't in there. There was one Chuck that was mentioned by first name only and I guess that was probably me but really there's no way to know for sure. It was even coupled with a Sherry, "Chuck and Sherry". So really that could have been anybody.

Which brings me to this: the audio industry can kiss my ass. I've met some really cool people who did what they could to help me out and I appreciate their assistance very much. But, unfortunately, all the effort that I've ever put forth has only netted me a gig adapting 20 second clips of MIDI for kids' books which I still don't get any credit for. For God's sake, I work with a 24 year old kid who seems to have just stumbled into the gig and he works on more involved things than I do. I worked my ass off through most of my 20s, learning a lot of MIDI/audio information on my own, getting two degrees, working my hands bloody trying to earn enough money to keep Amy and I afloat in the early days while she was getting her therapy degree, and I still don't get to write music which is all I ever really wanted to do. It just doesn't seem to add up. One might accuse me of being jealous. Well, heck yes, I'm jealous. I put a lot of effort into learning the trade, applying for jobs, making demo reels, and I did what I could in terms of networking, but it's just not enough. Whatever it is I do, people just don't like it. Whether that means that I just plain suck or not, I'm not sure. In any case, I'm done trying to please people who just don't give a shit.

After my tenure is up at my current job, I don't know what I'll do, but I can guarantee that I will think twice about continuing to try to find audio work related to anything in entertainment. There must be some boring audio work to be done out there. I could try to go edit VO all day for Paul I guess. Somebody has to record and/or edit books on CD. Maybe I can find some time to start taking classes in some other subject while I'm still working so that by the time I quit or get laid off, I'll be near another degree that will prove to be more useful. I'm certainly of limited ability with music/audio. Hopefully, I feel better about this soon.