I think there might be about eleven children between most of the regular readers of my ramblings here. It is to you that I pose the following questions. When your kids were infants, was there something that they had to do that they absolutely did not enjoy doing? How did you get them to do it, reasonably speaking of course?
My query is specifically related to the fact that Nicholas will absolutely not sit in his car seat without screaming. Not crying, not fussing, screaming. It wouldn't even be too bad if we didn't have to use the car seat when we take him for walks in the stroller. I had grand plans of taking him for a walk every nice day while I've been off. I rolled that back to once a week because he starts screaming the moment I put him in the seat until the moment I take him out. Just today, I did an experiment to see how long he could keep it up. Turns out he can go at least half an hour. We walked for 40 minutes and he screamed and cried for most of it. At one point he had fallen asleep for a few blocks but woke up when a motorcycle drove past. As soon as I pulled him out of the seat, he was fine.
I can't be sure yet but I'm guessing that Nick just wants to be carried. That's fine sometimes, but nobody can carry him all the time. I couldn't even if I wanted to do it.
I'm just beside myself about this. I want to take him out in public. I want be mobile with this baby. Both Amy and I do. But we don't and aren't for this very reason. We don't go anywhere with him unless we absolutely have to. When I'm by myself, I get the "bad dad" glances enough to know that it isn't just my imagination and I'm sure Amy has experienced the "bad mom" glances or whatever else you might call them.
If you have any experience with this specific kind of problem, I'd love to hear how you handled it. Remember, Nick is three months old so toddler resolutions and dealing are beyond him at this point. Thanks in advance.
UPDATE 5/22/08: I took him out again today. I tried a different time of the day when it was a little cooler. He didn't cry nearly as much today and fell asleep for the majority of the walk. We even went on the long hour walk path and he slept most of the way. He did start crying and screaming when we first started out though. I'd love to see him be content and awake at some point. Since he's able to sleep in the seat, I don't think it's a comfort issue. We have the straps adjusted for him. I think maybe I will try walking him around without the straps once to see if they might be a culprit. Process of elimination. Thanks all for your suggestions and I'll see if I can keep up with some progress reports now and again just to keep a written record of it (not to bore you all to death).
6 comments:
Hmmm- that's puzzling- most kids love the comfort of their carseat-isn't that great to hear? :)Some possiblities- maybe the seat is just plain uncomfortable for him- maybe it makes him gassy or something? Have you tried a regular stroller where he can lay down, or sit up and look around? I do remember that Elisha did NOT like facing backwards- esp in the car, and cried until he was old enough to be forward. FORGET the 'drive the child around the neighborhood to get him to sleep' with him! Maybe he just wants to be in a different direction? And my little Jacob- he screamed NO MATTER WHAT for HOURS until he could walk and be with everyone- then he was AOK-- he just wanted to be with the guys- clearly not the problem with you and I'm sure I'm not helping a bit- but we just had to let him cry- there was nothing we could do, and picking him up 24/7 only showed him he could get his way.Wish I could think of something else to help. I do know that even at this very young age, you CAN'T let him be in 'control'.- if there's nothing wrong, -he's dry, fed, etc- and you put him somewhere and he learns that if he cries and gets his way- (like being held)- you've just made his little 'will' stronger and he's learned that crying will get him what he wants. Man- I'm really not helping at all here am I-- Maybe try a different stroller/maybe even a different seat and Be Strong- he'll someday grow out of it.This is just what I've found to be true with our children- and most will disagree with me-- but I do believe after the teeny, tiny infant stage that you can indeed spoil a child by constantly holding him/her. There is definitely a season and time for that- and more than not, but not all day.Hope things get better with the situation- if I can think of anything else- that will make you feel better anyway, I'll let ya know- :) Hope I haven't made you upset or discouraged!Sorry I couldn't be much more help-And thanks for the picts you posted!
No, these are things we'd like to hear. If it's a weird issue and kind of unique, I'd like to know. Unfortunately, the travel system was costly enough so he's just going to have to live with it. Thanks for the feedback.
I don't know what kind of car seat you have for him. We originally had a hand-me-down Graco infant seat (which we fondly called "the baby bucket") with the seat base in the car. Andrews handled that reasonably well, but would throw a fit if we took him anywhere that was more than 5 minutes or so away, or if I got stuck at a particularly long stop light.A few things to check: are the straps too tight on him? I've been told this is the #1 reason for car seat fussiness. Next, do the straps rub on his neck? Andrew's came with little strap pads so they wouldn't chafe. Also to make sure it is installed at the proper level, although it sounds like he just really doesn't like it regardless of position, but worth a check anyway.A couple of thoughts for possible solutions. I know the thing was costly, but you might look into a regular, non-infant-carrier car seat. We got a convertible one once Andrew outgrew the bucket. It was good from 5 pounds until he's big enough to not need it anymore, and could be placed forward, backward, and at 3 different tilt levels. We got the Cosco/Eddie Bauer Alpha Omega Elite, and have been quite happy with it. We started it out rear-facing, and are now forward-facing with it, and he seems to be perfectly comfortable in it. We got ours on sale at Albee-baby.com--they get closeouts & the like. Usually these can be found because the company is doing away with a particular fabric pattern, not because of anything wrong with the seat.As far as taking him for walks, a baby sling or other type of pouch carrier is probably your best bet. That doesn't really solve the car seat problem, but at least once you get to where you're going, the screaming would stop. You'd get a nice walk and he would get the closeness he seems to need. We had the Infantino baby carrier, can be had at Wal Mart or just about anywhere else. Baby Bjorn is supposed to be good, but of course they're pricey. We also have a frame backpack, which I personally love, but he needs to be able to hold his head up first.Hope this helps some! :)
We have a Jeep version of the Bjorn. It was less expensive but not quite as good. He likes it OK but we have to make sure to put him in it when he's happy. Otherwise you have no chance. We also have a Maya wrap, but we watched the video and have tried it multiple times and just can't get the hang of it. Even when we think we have it right, he just cries in it.Again, thanks for the tips. I think we'll get to the bottom of this by the time it doesn't matter anymore. :)
I wonder if this might be one of those brutal cycles where you get tense whenever you start putting him in that particular chair and he senses that and reacts to it. So you go to put him in it for a walk and already start to worry about him going nuts and he, being a baby, of course obliges? Does he do it in any other kind of "seat" contraptions (like a swing or vibrating bouncy chair or whatever)?I know it's ridiculously hard not to expect the bad reaction, but those conditioning things happen for us AND them. Hopefully as you get a couple of good times, that will help you be more confident and allow him to know that you're not expecting him to have a rough time in his car seat.
I had a heckuva time figuring out that Maya Wrap, too. Wendy had to figure it out and show me how to do it.The only suggestion I can make is possibly to try putting him in the seat at other times and finding ways to make it an enjoyable experience -- feed him, play with him, sing or talk to him calmly, etc. The only thing you can't do is pick him up because then you're rewarding the behavior. Something to think about is that after screaming for an extended period, he's probably got a good thirst worked up. If he insists on screaming, perhaps you could try to give him something to drink after a while, which should calm him down.By the way, around 3 months is when the kid starts to get aware enough of his surroundings to start "working it" by faking cries for attention. I don't think this is one of those situations (typically you can tell because the baby will cry for a short period at one intensity then either stop for a bit or change intensity, to see if you're going to respond), but I do think this is a critical time for you to establish his expectations.Good luck.--V.
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