At my appointment, the doc had a few ideas. It could be some kind of allergies that I've never known I had, it could be something in the apartment, it could be strep throat, or it could be mono. Here are my thoughts on the potential diagnoses. I've never had an allergic reaction to anything let alone one this strong. It could be a mold issue or something similar in the apartment. If that's the case, I don't know what we'll do. The strep culture the doctor did came back negative, but strep is the only one of these problems I've had any experience with so it feels most like that to me. Finally, mono. I hope the blood test comes back and they call me today. I don't have time for mono, but I'll admit the thought of rest is welcome.
I admit defeat. I've tried to be strong. I've tried to muscle through and smile in the face of adversity, but I'm just sad about everything now. All this sickness and loneliness is really getting to me. I'm struggling with the idea that I've made a mistake by coming out here. Amy tries to buoy my spirits and reassure me that this move has been and will be for the best, but I'm having a hard time believing that right now. I feel a lot like I did fifteen years ago, unsure if I've made the right decisions with my future and no chance of reassurance without the undying patience to know that eventually another fifteen years will pass and the significance of a single decision will seem practically irrelevant.
Hey now, little speedyhead,
The read on the speedometer says
You have to go to task in the city
Where people drown and people serve
Don't be shy. Your just deserve
Is only just light years to go
Me, my thoughts are flower strewn
Ocean storm, bayberry moon
I have got to leave to find my way
Watch the road and memorize
This life that passed before my eyes
Nothing is going my way
The ocean is the river's goal,
A need to leave the water knows
We're closer now than light years to go
I have got to find the river,
Bergamot and vetiver
Run through my head and fall away
Leave the road and memorize
This life that passed before my eyes
Nothing is going my way
There's no one left to take the lead,
But I tell you and you can see
We're closer now than light years to go
Pick up here and chase the ride
The river empties to the tide
Fall into the ocean
The river to the ocean goes,
A fortune for the undertow
None of this is going my way
There is nothing left to throw
Of ginger, lemon, indigo,
Coriander stem and rows of hay
Strength and courage overrides
The privileged and weary eyes
Of river poet search naivete
Pick up here and chase the ride
The river empties to the tide
All of this is coming your way
1 comment:
Hey, Chuck.I hate to say it, but it could be Sidman. Your symptoms sound like the ones that I had trouble shaking for the longest time when I didn't know that I'd developed an allergy to Arthur and Nina. The allergy was much more apparent to me when I housesat for one of my professors who has two cats last November, and I was utterly miserable in that house. I felt sick as a dog. I hope it's not Sid, but I do hope that whatever is causing your misery gets identified soon so that you can deal with it. I would go to an allergist and request skin tests. When I went, they had 3 boxes of 8 little needles, and they just rocked the boxes on my forearms. It didn't hurt at all. There were 23 tests and one that was just histimine for the control. Within a moment, the spot where the cat allergen was swelled up really huge. I couldn't believe it when they told me it was the cat.Have you ever tried using a neti pot? It might not cure you, but it can provide relief.
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